I grabbed this quote from Jaclyn Hill's Instagram. Wow. It speaks to me loud and clear and I'm sure it speaks to every woman out there.
It's bad enough that we live in a world were men go lengths to trample us, exploit us and ruin us. It's worse when we divide against our own. I know there's 2 reasons: pride and envy (polar opposite attitudes). I know this because I am greatly struggling with this. I have always struggled with confidence about my looks, smarts, talents, etc. and when I see someone else having "it all", I get...I'm not sure, but disappointed. Sure it's been better and I have been learning to appreciate another woman's beauty without getting jealous. But I still struggle with it. For example: Cecilio had a former co-worker who he would sometimes tease me about. Lets just say this about her: she's a bit shorter than me, very thin, blonde, and was a sorority girl. She's our age and she just got married last year. I wouldn't be so upset, but she always posts pictures on Instagram and to me it feels like she wants to show off how perfect her life is with her marriage, new home, vacations, perfect body and looks, etc. I've never even met her and she bothers me! Why? I guess it's a defense mechanism, feeling like if she met me, she would be nasty to me because I am chubby. There's no other way to say it. And I'm not saying it so you guys can say "no you're not" but the fact is, I've been taking prednisone for almost a year and a half and I have gained 35 pounds because of it. Before, I was really thin. Like, not thin in a healthy way, but I was also having fevers and kidney problems, and all of my family and friends were extremely concerned. My thinnest weight was 115, and I did not look or feel sexy one bit. But I could never ever be as tiny as her. I feel healthiest at 120–130 pounds at 5'4", and I would say that that's slim (but 17 year old me would be upset and wonder why I could never weigh 105. I can't, I'm not built that way). I am still hoping that someday to get off of prednisone so I can be able to lose weight and be fitter again. I've been able to lose weight successfully before. But now with lupus nephritis, there's no guarantee that I won't have high protein in my kidney, thus regularly taking prednisone on and off.
I guess I am also jealous because she got married while dating her now-husband for a shorter time than Cecilio and I have been dating, and I want that with him so much too. But the fact that we have been together for 6 years has been a blessing because we have been able to see our best and worst sides of each other. And we still want each other. We have gotten to know each other long before we started going out. We were only friends for a long period because I was dating someone before I met him.
But it's also all perspective. Maybe someone would be jealous of me too, but sometimes I doubt it. Thats where my lack of confidence comes in. I think it's been better but still needs a lot of work. I want to be sure of myself. I am a strong designer, artist and writer. I am also funny. I have a good sense of fashion and style. And I have more compassion for others because I have been bullied, have health issues and I have family members with autism.
So what does this all have to do with International Women's Day? I guess we shouldn't judge other women, but I KNOW it's extremely hard not to. We feel inadequate, and/or we compare in order to compensate and feel better about ourselves. So that's our way of dividing against each other. And sometimes we do it for men (not me specifically, but attracting a mate is one of the biggest motivators behind the competition). And once we do have the man of our dreams, we compete in terms of wedding/marriage stuff: I like Pinterest and I find a lot of things inspiring over there, but I am sure they did not help in terms of that competition regarding who has the prettier wedding dress, ring, who has the picture perfect barn scenery, who gets engaged first, etc.
There are women who scoff at those who like makeup, fashion, etc. saying it's such a vain pursuit and I would disagree on that. And there are those who scoff at women wanting to have husbands or stay at home. Guess what? You can be a feminist and be interested in all of that. Feminism is about a woman's right to make decisions even if you disagree with them.
For beauty junkies, I really like the makeupsocial app and I recommend you download it on your smartphone. It's a safe haven for women who love makeup, skincare, etc. and even though you get a few bad apples of cattiness, it's really frowned upon and there has been nothing but encouragement and praise from other women (and the 2% of men who join). And that is one example where I see women empowering each other.
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